A mental health nurse once told me that the strongest steel is forged in the hottest flames. I’m hurting, but even during the pain I feel the quiet calmness. I’m becoming aware of a state of survival.
It’s one of those days where – despite having awfully distressing nightmares that leave me edgy as fuck on a conscious level – I feel the archetypal warrior spirit enduring. This day doesn’t influence me in the long term. There’s something hollow and insincere about the level of distress I’m feeling, like it’s not sinking in the way it normally would.
Started today with some yelling in my sleep at things in my nightmares. Yup, just another one of those regular batshit crazy days. My subconscious is throwing traumatic things from my past in my face in an unusually obvious way. Nothing cryptic, no bullshit, no symbolic objects or metaphors. Just reliving and confronting very painful situations I’ve gone through in violent nightmares that seem to last all night.
But my mind is slowly starting to reject it all somehow.